Thank you for your practice. I would like to talk a little bit about karma and merit and how it relates to the cycles of existence and reincarnation in our larger life as an expression of the universe. And of course, you do not have to take anything I say as absolute truth or necessarily as literal truth. I think that these teachings can be helpful when you actually practice them or practice the attitudes that they create. Sometimes spiritual teachings come to us that are not meant to be taken on too literally, but if you practice with them, they lead you to something literal, a literal experience of oneness and the reality of our interconnection in the universe.
But this is a very important teaching because many of us do not realize how we co-create our reality—and not just consciously, but on all the internal levels that we have created. In fact, science is now proving that many times before you're even conscious of a decision that you're making, you know, to do something with your hands or to grab something or you have thoughts, you actually have a split few seconds before—something goes on internally that you have already decided, even before you have realized you decided it. So isn't it interesting?
What I want to teach today is that there are certain karmic patterns that we have created over eons of time, whether personally or collectively through our ancestral lineage, and as well as in this lifetime. We have created patterns that create a force that kind of has almost made the decision for us, you know, even before we are conscious of it. You know what I'm saying? Habit energies. Even though we may consciously think, oh, I don't want to do that, and yet you do. Or, I want to do this, but you don't. You know what I'm saying? It is because we need to look deeper. There are certain patterns that we need to transform, not just our conscious will. Willpower is great, but it is only a smidgen of the whole picture on how we transform our life.
So as I have been going through—last week, of course I shared with you my health opportunity with cancer, and if you did not get a chance to listen to that dharma talk, please go online and listen to it. I would be so honored if you could just listen to it. It is just a 30 minute talk, but it kind of expresses everything I want to say this whole year in that one talk. So, please listen to that sometime this week if you can.
But as I'm going to this process, I am noticing mindfully that there are days when I feel great because I have surrounded myself with positive things to do. I spent a week at this wonderful place called Optimum Health Institute. I made great spiritual friends there. Every time I meditate or do qi gong or yoga, I feel much better emotionally about the whole thing. But then there are times, especially after seeing three or four doctors, one after the other and just hearing all this terrible news about what they want to do to me and all the side effects—on those days I notice mindfully that I go into fear. I go into anxiety. I go into depression. I go into just feeling sorry for myself.
But thank goodness, because I have habit energies of practices over several years or maybe even eons, after a day or two I am able to come back and remember. So I've noticed—here is the thing. I try not to judge myself. When I'm feeling great, I just accept it. When I'm not feeling so great, I accept that. You know? And that is what we need to do, just accept it. That is a very key part of this whole mindfulness practice. Just accept it. Just accept where you are at. You don't need to beat yourself up. The universe is supporting you, and the circumstances you may find yourself in already are beating you up anyway. You do not need to add on to it.
But as I have been processing this, I've learned that acceptance is a very key part of our practice, and what has been interesting is in the last year or two, all of these people I have not seen or spent much time with since college days or other times, all of a sudden, they started coming back to my life. It is almost like, okay, time to make some completions. I don't know how else to say it, just kind of complete the circle with certain people. And people I had held some unforgiveness maybe or some resentment, they just out of the blue over the last few months contacted me just to see how I was doing, you know? It is very interesting to me.
So to me, I know this sounds silly, but when the plumeria tree died that was donated to us at the very beginning of the Center, just a couple of months ago, I took that as a sign. And I'm not saying it is a sign of my death. I am just saying there is a cycle in my life that is ending, and there's going to be a new cycle. Now whether that means that I'm going to die and go onto another life or I am just going to heal and have a new phase in my life, I don't know yet. But what I do know is that when I come back to the Center and I meditate or I read and I remember the truth, rather than the scary stuff, when that happens, I remember all the times when I have been guided in my life, all the different times when I clearly saw how the universe was supporting me and guiding me. So when I remember that, then I know that this is also part of my journey, and there's a purpose to it. I am not alone in this. There is support and guidance, even in this. And I realized that it is not just about me. Since we are all interconnected, many times what we go through is not just about what we are learning or processing. It is also what others are going to be learning and processing and transforming along with you. I've noticed that, with my family for example.
I remember I was kind of complaining to one brother a couple of months ago that the last few years, we had just grown further and further apart, and we hardly do anything together anymore. But in the last few weeks, he has been spending lots of time with me because he knows there is a possibility I might not be there any more to spend time with. So when I see that, I see oh, this is not just about me. This is an opportunity for others around me and my family and friends to practice remembering what is important, to not be distracted by everything else and forget what is important. What is important is the love and relationships and gratitude and connection. When you die and have your near-death experience and your life review, you will not really care about how much money you made. You really won't. You will only care about how much love did you accept in your life and how much love did you give, and other things might be important as well, but that is the primary one.
And so, I am noticing that this is giving my family an opportunity to understand cancer and to understand a little bit more about my crazy holistic views on healing and how to integrate that with their understanding of Western medicine. And the other day, my mother wrote me this beautiful e-mail. It just touched my heart. I mean, she hasn't sent me a letter like that in years, and she just said, "I love you. You are an adult, and you can make your own decisions on what path of treatment you're going to do. Just whatever you decide, I am going to support you." And she just said, "We are all just really scared, and we want to make sure you make the right decision." But she said she loves me, and she just wants me to know that she will accept whatever decision I make. And that means a lot to me.
And, you know, a lot of times in the past weeks my mother has just hugged me for a long time. That is something she has not done in many years, and that feels good, to just reconnect with my mother like that. So I know when we go through anything, it is not just about ourselves, because we are intricately interconnected to everyone else. Whatever we are going through is also about giving other people opportunities to support us, to love us, to grow with us, and that includes all of you.
So all of you have this opportunity to really practice more deeply, and do not do what some people do. I remember there is this one minister, like he texted me, "Much prayers abound you." But I contacted him every week for like the last month to get together so we can do some spiritual counseling or prayer or whatever, and he keeps saying, "Okay. Tomorrow." He has not even contacted me, and he just texted me to say, "Prayers abounding." Well that does not mean sh— to me. There is a scripture in the Christian Scriptures that says, you can say all you want, "Oh, brother. Bless you. Bless you," but if you do not help them, it doesn't mean squat. You know what I'm saying? So, this is an opportunity for all of us as a community to really commit more to the Buddha, the dharma, and the sangha, which means to say that we are committing to our true nature, to the path of practice, and to supporting each other and being supported, allowing ourselves to be supported consciously.
And so, part of that is don't just say you're going to pray for me and not actually do it, you know? I mean, I am guilty of that also, okay? Like, "Okay. Sure. I will pray for you." Do I? No. Not always. So I know I am guilty of that. We all do that, I am sure. But that does not actually help anyone, you know? We need to actually practice deeper. We have all the tools from our practice in knowing how to center, to get in touch with that inner light, and then shine it as mindfully as possible consciously. It is real. It is powerful. It is effective. I know people who change things dramatically through their practice.
I mean, for example, there are certain Tibetan monks who are so deep in their practice that they can sit outside in the snow and all the snow around them on the ground is melted because they know how to practice in the inner light that transforms into energy by heat. And I also know a personal friend who said that in San Francisco, the sangha there, several years ago, there was a monk in Korea—and I have lost touch with him, but I could try to find him—but anyway, he cured himself of the disease that is usually considered incurable through his very intense monastic spiritual practice and his chanting and bowing and meditation, and he actually literally felt some sort of lightning bolt go through his whole body while he was chanting with all his heart, and he knew in that moment he was healed. And when he went to the doctor, sure enough, there was no trace of that disease in his body.
So I know these things are real, but they don't become real without spiritual practice, okay? Now, you might ask, okay. What about other people who just suddenly for no reason, they don't even practice, and suddenly they receive a miracle? What about them? They didn't seem to practice. Well, you don't know what they did in their past life to create the positive energy for that miracle. You don't know. And you don't know what their particular karmic journey is. Perhaps they needed that miracle to push them into the next phase of their journey, you see? We don't know. There are all kinds of factors that happened that create our experience of this life. I could go into a little bit deeper teaching on this, but I'm feeling that is not necessary.
What I will say before I go do that—I just want to say I am basically preparing if this is my last year of life. I'm just preparing just in case. My hope is that I can heal, but I am also trying to prepare myself just in case, what if this is my last your life. What all of us can practice that. There are books about this, One Year to Live or whatever. It is a good practice. So write in your journal all the different things and milestones in your life, all the lessons you have learned up to this point, and then just pretend what if this is your last year of life. What is really important to you? What do you want to really accomplish? Who do you still need to forgive? Who do you still want to say thank you to? You know, the important things.
So use this as a practice. Be in solidarity with me, and just say, what if this is the last year of our lives? And let that particular practice transform the way we are mindful, how we are committed to our true intentions. I was not even necessarily conscious of it. There is a part of me that gets really ticked off sometimes by the stupidity of others. And I noticed. I was noticing this past week that it was a lot easier for me to notice it and then to let it go, because it is not serving me to hold on to it because it sickens me and weakens my immune system when I hold onto resentment. You know?
For example, someone on Facebook that I have not talked to in a long time was basically trying to lecture me in a letter that maybe I should've done blah, blah, blah. I was like, whatever. You know? It's like—for the first few seconds I was like, how dare he? He has no right. He hasn't been my friend in several years. He has no right to tell me all this stuff. And then I noticed that feeling. That feeling of resentment, that is not going to do anything to him. It is just going to poison me. So I looked at that. It was like, oh, hello. You are a habit pattern I have had for many years. And so in this moment, I take a deep breath. I accept you, and I bless you, and I bless that other person. They have a right to their view, and that is okay. They are just being stupid. But that is okay. I accept this. I bless this person, and I release it. Accept, bless, and release. I highly recommend this practice. Accept, bless, and release. Keep doing it over and over and over again and again.
So as we practice on meditation on the life and death—and this is actually something the Buddha taught. I have not done very many of these practices on life and death, but they are part of our tradition, so I highly recommend that we all do these things really mindfully looking over our whole life and really preparing for death and living each moment here and now fully and freely. And so, as we do this, we are slowly but surely and steadily and strongly creating new habit patterns. And you may not see all the results yet right away, but that is okay. Because if you do not start now, when are you going to do it? You will regret it later. Maybe you'll regret it towards the end of your life, or if you believe in reincarnation, in your next life you will really regret it. And you won't know why.
So do yourself a favor in the next life and start now to transform all of our ancestral and karmic patterns personally and collectively now. Transform it. Do all of the practices that create positive merit and positive energy, you know? Do that now. Do your meditations, or if meditation is not quite your forte yet, that is okay. There are lots of other options too. He was so compassionate. So if you cannot meditate every day, that is okay. You could do chanting. You can do prostrations. You can feed food to the monks. You can support your local sangha here. You can give encouraging words to your spiritual leaders. You can give money to a local charity or an international charity, whatever you would like. There are so many things you can do to just create positive energy back and start shifting and changing the old habit energies or karmic patterns and start making new ones.
Because you see, what happens is without these more positive karmic energies and patterns in place, instead of attracting more good opportunities for positive experiences toward enlightenment, we get the other kind of-–it is still support from the universe, but we do get the other kind, which is a little tougher, a little bit not so pleasant. But either way of course, it is an expression of how the universe loves and supports us, because sometimes we need a little kick, and sometimes we just need a hug. But if we practice with more positive energies, we get hugs most of the times to encourage us in practice, rather than a kick in the butt. But you will get the kick in the butt if you don't work on the positive ways. Either way, it is support from the universe.
You see, this is important, because you want to start attracting all the good, positive ways of growth and evolution, and most of us, I think we learned already the ways of suffering and getting kicked in the butt by the universe to kind of get us on the right track. We've learned that way, and we do not need to learn that way anymore. We can now consciously choose a different way of learning, a more evolved way of learning, a more positive way of learning, another way is possible for us.
In Buddhism, there is something called non-retrogression. You see, in Buddhism, we have different realms of existence. I will not go into all of them right now, but you can take them literally or you can take them metaphorically like I do. We want to live our lives in a good kind of positive realm of existence that is humane. I think that applies to all of us. You know, that is actually the most ideal kind of life to have, to practice. To have this kind of middle-class kind of human life, you know?
Because when we are in a war zone suffering abject poverty, we are just trying to survive. Usually most people in that situation, they are just trying to survive, and they do not have time to think about spiritual practice. Whereas on the opposite end, you might be in some situation in your lifetime where you have everything that you want. You have all the money, all the beauty, all the sex, all the wealth, whatever, all the servants you want. But that is also a dangerous kind of existence, because so many times people who find themselves in that—even though they cultivated wealth to get back, they might forget and become cruel and look down on the people who are below them. They might take for granted the wonderful things in life because they have all they want, and it makes them forget. They become addicted to the high-class kinds of ways, and they may not spend time on their spiritual practice.
So that is why in Buddhism, we are encouraged to just be a normal human being. Practice in such a way that you don't need to find yourself in the terribly awful lower-class situations or even the highest class situations. And really, what we are as a middle-class, that is really the best situation, because we've got a little bit of suffering, but we have enough money to not just survive, and so we have time to practice. Now this is just a general rule, because there are also enlightened beings who disguise themselves. Some of them disguise themselves as very, very high-class people or very low-class people. So you cannot judge someone, where they are at. A lot of people come and are born in very poverty-stricken situations or war zones because they want to be light in that position. You cannot judge. And there are some enlightened beings who come as very high-class citizens, because they are able to use their money to further spiritual causes, and that is a good thing. In fact, many of the Buddha's best benefactors were royalty. In fact, the Buddha was born to royalty also. So you just never know. I'm just talking in general.
But you see, if we do not practice, what happens is we go up and down, up and down through different kinds of lifetimes. Sometimes, we are really high-class, but we take things for granted, and we look down on everyone else below us, and because of that, whoops, we go to low class. And then we choose to just be angry about it, so we will stay in that low state of consciousness. Or we might choose to do something different and change our lives, and in that lifetime or the next, we will come up higher.
But, see, Buddha wanted us to stop doing this roller coaster of lifetime after lifetime. It is crazy. But through spiritual practice, you can attain a state called non-retrogression, which means you never go backward ever again, not up and down, up and down, up and down. And that is really my goal for myself and for every one of us here. My goal for everyone is not full enlightenment in this lifetime, because, boy, that is really hard. My more reasonable goal is that we all attain a state of non-retrogression, that we get to a point in our practice so deeply that we never go backwards ever again. We only go steadily forward, slowly, steadily to our full enlightenment for the next whatever lifetimes. And it is possible in this lifetime to realize the state of non-retrogression. Many people have done it, but it takes commitment and practice. But we can do it.
So, in a way, this cancer has actually been my—the way the universe has kind of kicked me in the butt to really get serious about realizing non-retrogression. And that is what I want to do this year, is just practice truly, sincerely. Not, "Oh, I will pray for you." Sure. No. Actually I will do it. Or, "Yeah. I will meditate," but I really will. Or, "I'm going to go to the temple and give food to the monks this week," but not just as an idea, but actually do it. Okay. Hold me to it. Tomorrow morning or Tuesday morning, I'm going to do that. I'm going to say it, and I will do it. And I want to stick to my spiritual practices and intensify them and really commit to them and also do the things that I didn't do consistently as far as my physical health, you see?
Because you know a lot of times I would have intentions about different things I know are good for me physically, but I did not always do them. But now I'm going to do them. So I encourage you to make this year 2014 your year of actually doing it, actually really committing and doing all the things you know that are good for you and others, and do it with me, okay? And if you do it with me, I will feel it. I will know you are in solidarity with me and each other, okay?
So, this is not just my cancer. It's our cancer really. But more importantly than that, it is a health opportunity of the entire universe, and as we take each moment of opportunity to grow and to practice, every other being is uplifted just a little bit more. Why? Because we are all interconnected. We are all one. See, interbeing and oneness. That's not just an idea. It's actually real. Isn't it, Bobbie? Yes. It is real. So, thank you so much for your practice. Please continue to take refuge in your true divine nature and the paths of practice that you know about and the spiritual communities you are a part of.
Amitabha!
